By 'him', I mean William Henry "Bill" Cosby born July 12, 1937 (same age my Dad would be) and married since 1964 (that's coming up on a 52 year anniversary, sigh).
He has a warrant against him now and it's official and it's not going away.
For anyone who has not kept up, Bill Cosby has had over 50 women come forward with allegations that he drugged them and had his way with them after promising to 'mentor' them, apparently, since the 1970's. Many women have refused to give their names. Some have. Many have healed. Many are still scarred. Many blame themselves.
It's the last that I say I'm mostly interested in because it's the mindset that many women (and men!) put themselves in when something traumatic happens to them. They blame themselves.
"I should have known better!"
"How could I be so stupid?"
"I should have seen it coming!"
"I never should have trusted that person!"
"I shouldn't have been there!"
Any one of us are capable of "could-ing" or "should-ing" ourselves into shame and blame. We cannot.
Once we begin to point that finger back at ourselves, we have paralyzed ourselves from moving on with Life. It makes Victims the Perpetrators, and the Perpetrators free in their minds to continue to live in good conscience..."They were asking for it."
Not one person who has been harassed, betrayed or abused in any way has ever asked for it. We all have let our guard down at times, placed ourselves in situations that were sketchy, or didn't pay attention to our 'gut feelings' or instincts. None of that is anything to blame ourselves about. It's simply a lesson to pay attention in the future.
We have all trusted someone that has hurt us, physically or emotionally, and can make us not want to trust anyone in the future, including ourselves and our own judgement. If that happens, the Bad Guys win.
In saying what I'm about to, I may receive a tremendously negative response because I'm not expressing outrage today.
Forgive the ones that harmed you whether they ask for it or not.
Forgiving is not for the other person (it's nice if it changes them in some way) but it is for yourself. It allows Peace to reenter your being. It allows Love to remain free in you for yourself and others. It frees you to Live, to move and to Hope.
Not doing so, can weigh you down forever until you see whatever you need to see happen to that person that caused you harm. Even seeing revenge or justice with your own eyes may not be enough. You may find yourself not knowing what will be enough to clear it for you. Meanwhile, the clock has ticked by and obsession with seeing someone 'get it' caused you to miss out on your own life. Then again, I say, they win. Where does it end?
Mr.Cosby (I say with respect for an elder) will have to face women, a judge, jury, and the World for his crimes. He'll face a greater judge, eventually. We don't worry about it. That's not our call.
Today, I pray for all victims/survivors, for healing for the additional pain his family will feel (they lost a son, violently in 1997) and I regret that a ground-breaking illustrious career is being flushed down the drain but I say that ALL comes to light, in time, for each of us.
Reboot Challenge? Make sure there are no skeletons in your own closets. Make soup. Kidding (had to lighten it up a little!). Live well, show love and be good to each other today. Show how Love and forgiveness works to everyone. Clear the list.
He has a warrant against him now and it's official and it's not going away.
For anyone who has not kept up, Bill Cosby has had over 50 women come forward with allegations that he drugged them and had his way with them after promising to 'mentor' them, apparently, since the 1970's. Many women have refused to give their names. Some have. Many have healed. Many are still scarred. Many blame themselves.
It's the last that I say I'm mostly interested in because it's the mindset that many women (and men!) put themselves in when something traumatic happens to them. They blame themselves.
"I should have known better!"
"How could I be so stupid?"
"I should have seen it coming!"
"I never should have trusted that person!"
"I shouldn't have been there!"
Any one of us are capable of "could-ing" or "should-ing" ourselves into shame and blame. We cannot.
Once we begin to point that finger back at ourselves, we have paralyzed ourselves from moving on with Life. It makes Victims the Perpetrators, and the Perpetrators free in their minds to continue to live in good conscience..."They were asking for it."
Not one person who has been harassed, betrayed or abused in any way has ever asked for it. We all have let our guard down at times, placed ourselves in situations that were sketchy, or didn't pay attention to our 'gut feelings' or instincts. None of that is anything to blame ourselves about. It's simply a lesson to pay attention in the future.
We have all trusted someone that has hurt us, physically or emotionally, and can make us not want to trust anyone in the future, including ourselves and our own judgement. If that happens, the Bad Guys win.
In saying what I'm about to, I may receive a tremendously negative response because I'm not expressing outrage today.
Forgive the ones that harmed you whether they ask for it or not.
Forgiving is not for the other person (it's nice if it changes them in some way) but it is for yourself. It allows Peace to reenter your being. It allows Love to remain free in you for yourself and others. It frees you to Live, to move and to Hope.
Not doing so, can weigh you down forever until you see whatever you need to see happen to that person that caused you harm. Even seeing revenge or justice with your own eyes may not be enough. You may find yourself not knowing what will be enough to clear it for you. Meanwhile, the clock has ticked by and obsession with seeing someone 'get it' caused you to miss out on your own life. Then again, I say, they win. Where does it end?
Mr.Cosby (I say with respect for an elder) will have to face women, a judge, jury, and the World for his crimes. He'll face a greater judge, eventually. We don't worry about it. That's not our call.
Today, I pray for all victims/survivors, for healing for the additional pain his family will feel (they lost a son, violently in 1997) and I regret that a ground-breaking illustrious career is being flushed down the drain but I say that ALL comes to light, in time, for each of us.
Reboot Challenge? Make sure there are no skeletons in your own closets. Make soup. Kidding (had to lighten it up a little!). Live well, show love and be good to each other today. Show how Love and forgiveness works to everyone. Clear the list.
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