Friday, January 6, 2012

2011 Ended With a Whimper...2012?

Bumping my head on exercise equipment then being nipped by my neighbor's dog, a few falls, one friend entering Heaven, and one starting a fight for her life...the beginning of loss of sensation in 1 1/2 fingers and palm of my left hand is almost welcome.

Ironically, this is not a result of the Multiple Sclerosis but from a bulge in the area of my cervical spine that is causing nerve damage to the ulnar nerve that affects your pinky and half of your ring finger.  Just a little anatomy lesson for those who are not in the medical field. 

Having MS is, I believe, a lot like Life.  You wake up and you don't know what the day holds for you. 

It is a frustrating prospect only because you feel you have no control of your life.  In reality, we really do not, but refuse to admit to it, most of the time.  I've made my peace with not being the same "let's go-spontaneous-go 'til it's done-what do you MEAN you're tired!" multitasker.  It may sound crazy to some but the MS has been a blessing.  I'll explain.

I have this condition which has forced me to slow down, to reevaluate, to pay attention.  We go through life, generally, with the expectation that each day will be the same as the last and the same the next.  With that attitude, we are truly taking Life for granted.  When you don't know if you'll go blind in one eye or both, how long it will last, if it will end, IF your leg will work, IF it will stay that way, will you get to the point where your skin is so hypersensitive that no on can touch you, you look at the day a little differently.

You learn gradually, after making some peace with it, to be grateful for each day life is breathed into you and wakes you for a new one.  You take better care of yourself while you can.  You live out your dreams, while you can.  You take the chances you fear, because you still can.  Again....this is not unlike anyone's life, with or without MS.

So, yes, there was a time I could hold down 4 jobs at a time, raise a child, run 5ks, hike, earn belts in Kung Fu, and play 'real' tennis not on the WII.  Now, I make a list of tasks and consider it a good day if I get a few of the items completed before my battery needs recharging with a nap.  It's not a bad thing.  It's not a bad life.  And it, certainly, could be a lot worse.  I read it everyday on the forum and pray for those who suffer more than I do with MS and anything else out there.

You see?  Live the life you are given, whatever may be in it.  It's not a dress rehearsal.  This is it.

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